Reflections

This last post is not really about Mongolia, but personal thoughts. I started reading a book written by a Peace Corps volunteer who was also in Mongolia titled, "When Things Get Dark." It gave me the eerie feeling of watching a movie that I myself was in. There is definitely a dark side to being in Mongolia and I am not immune to it completely. Some moments, I think back to being only one month removed from Mongolia and wonder to myself if all that I went through really happened or if it was just a dream. My language only allowed me to be a shadow of my real self. I definitely did exist, but that person that Mongolian people had interaction with was only like a imprint of me and I was probably like a dream even to them. The other side of the coin is that I feel like a ghost in America too. I visited the area where I grew up and it gave me the sense of time moving along but nothing really changing. I don't have a lack of language as an excuse, but I think there are very few people in there that know much about me here either. Life in Mongolia is in my past, and my life when I was living in America before is also in my past. So now I feel like my new identity is about to begin. I am moving to a new place, going to find a new job, and have a normal life for a while. I absolutely have no regrets about my Peace Corps adventure but I don't know if travelling is something I will ever want to do again. I am going to spend more time with some of my hobbies such as reading, watching movies, and making music. It will be the first time I will be completely on my own and not studying formal education, and I'm already 28 years old. I think it will be good to spend some time on developing myself instead of being driven by other forces for a change. Hopefully this sudden independence will bring me beyond anything previously instead of to a dead end.